I have been thinking of writing on the topic of love and marriage for a while now.  As a woman who just celebrated 25 years of marriage recently, I have been contemplating a lot on this topic.  The contemplation comes from my own experience in love and my marriage and of my friends and family around me.  I always wonder what an ideal marriage is or sometimes what is normal? I come from a family where my parents just celebrated their 50th anniversary and most marriages in my family have been long lasting.  I have seen my parents go through ups and downs but one thing that has stood out is that they care for each other and always have each other’s back.  Always..

I see marriages that are obviously thriving and some struggling and some failing and I have wondered what is it that makes or breaks a marriage?  What happens to the love as the marriage struggles or falls apart from the same old adage of not “seeing eye to eye” anymore.  As I just completed 25 years with my husband, the first thought that comes to my mind is that “Boy that was crazy hard and I made it” even though I may have scraped through 🙂 It is not because I don’t love my spouse or care for him, but just the plain fact that marriage is hard. Once the fiery love and passion slowly burned down to a quiet fire, it has taken quite a bit of work from both of us to make it work.  There have been lots of highs and lows and sometimes the lows have lingered for a long time and it has left me wondering if we will make it.

All kinds of thoughts come to my mind.  I always knew that love existed and believed in it, but I don’t think I knew what love actually was until it happened to me.  How could something like this exist? The overpowering, all-consuming, unable to breathe kind of intensity evoked by the mere thought of the person.  The emotional roller coaster ride that came with it turned my world upside down.  How does one prepare for this life changing event? Is there an appropriate age for this type of love to happen? What happens when this “love” happens later in life? What happens when you realize that you didn’t end up with the love of your life? What happens when you realize that your partner is just your partner, but not the love of your life or your soulmate?  So many questions and I struggle to understand.

Reading about love and the so called “happily ever-after” endings in fairytales, never once was it mentioned that the ending may differ sometimes. Not one tale ever stated that you would find the love of your life but you may not get to spend your life with the person.  How come we are raised in the false beliefs of the happily ever-after possibilities? Sometimes you realize that love does hurt and the two lives may be too different and the distance too wide.  Sometimes you realize that the life you expect may never become a reality and all that is left are your dreams. A make believe world that stands above all and the heart rules. What happens when you realize that your love may just burn out slowly and the embers may finally consume you.  Would letting go of the person be the only saving grace?

I have realized that love does not conquer all, but I am grateful for having experienced the love.  And even though I feel like I scraped through after 25 years, I am thankful for the experience and there are many out there who never had a chance to experience what I did.  Thus, even though I may not have had the ideal happily ever-after, I still thrive on having the love and that is my fairy tale.